your parents love me but you hate me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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