What did we do last night that was yellow?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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