Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
