I seem to have left my pride at pride
I could make wine with my vomit
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
