She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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