my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
