we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
