Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
