I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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