All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
