Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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