I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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