you have to choose: penises or morals?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
