Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
