matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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