Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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