More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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