i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
