Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
