Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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