I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Help. Why am I so naked?
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