I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
