It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You are a genius and a whore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
