the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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