It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
