ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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