I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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