How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
