Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
