does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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