Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
