I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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