I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
