She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
