I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
