someone threw a dead crab at me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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