I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I forget how to act sober
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
