my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
