It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
