Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
