I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
