you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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