I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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