I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
