Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
