How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
