First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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