If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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