he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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