Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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