Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
