we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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