That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
