lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
