Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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