this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
