Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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