I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
